


The Universe

by ninecube



Category: LOONA (Korea Band)
Genre: Angst, F/F, I guess this is angst?, lipsoul, really squint for chuuves, this is my first time posting here so i don't know what else to tag
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-03
Updated: 2019-07-03
Packaged: 2020-06-03 12:15:43
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,200
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19463794
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ninecube/pseuds/ninecube
Summary: Jungeun loves the Universe too much, and when she finally realises that there are things more important to her beyond the Universe, it was a little too late.





	The Universe

It had been a while since she left her house willingly. Jiwoo was surprised when she received a call from Jungeun asking her out for coffee. It wasn’t because they weren’t in contact. They were, but only through text. Jiwoo couldn’t recall but she was sure it had been at least three weeks Jungeun had left her house, not even for meals because Jiwoo and Sooyoung would bring food to her.

Jungeun was obsessed with the Universe, dedicating most of her time to her studies. Jiwoo didn’t understand why. She loved music, but she could never go endlessly at it. Her best friend, however, was capable of doing that, and it only seemed to have gotten worse after her breakup. And speaking of the devil, they saw the love of Jungeun’s life walking hand in hand with her boyfriend into the café across the street.

Jiwoo noticed how Jungeun tore her eyes away from the café and diverted them to the cup in her hands. Whenever she was deep in thought, her eyebrows would crease ever so tightly. She was surprised that Jungeun hadn’t gotten any wrinkles at this point. Jiwoo looked across at the café opposite the one they were in and a gentle breath escaped between her lips. She had known Jungeun for 15 years; they had fought a lot, but ultimately, they were the only ones who knew each other the best. Even if Jungeun was difficult to read for other people, she was an open book to her. And at that very moment, she knew what Jungeun was thinking about.

“Jungeun, as much as I love you, you don’t get to do that.”

Jungeun didn’t respond, or at least she was taking her time to. She knew what Jiwoo was referring to and she knew she couldn’t lie to her best friend, but she still did it anyway.

“Do what?”

Her voice was so soft that Jiwoo almost didn’t catch it. It was as if Jungeun was asking herself.

“Regret.”

Again, there was a long pause before Jungeun responded with another question.

“Regret what?”

If they weren’t in public right now, Jiwoo swore she would have pounced onto her best friend and shook her hard. Jungeun was smart but she loved to pretend to be dumb, and Jiwoo didn’t appreciate that, especially not when they had both been through that very topic before.

“You _chose_ to leave her.”

Jiwoo didn’t bother to filter, letting the truth out as raw as it could be. Jungeun winced a little as the dull pain in her chest hit again. Ouch. Guess she deserved it, though. Jiwoo was right, and Jungeun knew she was right, that she chose to leave her. She was given an option – her Universe or _her_ – but she eventually chose the Universe. She had put in too much to give everything up, and she wasn’t willing to, nor was she ready to.

_“What about us?”_

She had put in everything too, but at that point in time, it was the easier option to give up. On hindsight, she knew damn well it wasn’t. If it was, she would have moved on. There wouldn’t be moments where she would just stare up at the sky, thinking if _she_ was doing well. There wouldn’t be lingering hopes that she could still hold her again. There wouldn’t be times where she would find herself staring at her phone, looking at the wallpaper that she hadn’t changed over the years.

Jungeun didn’t continue the conversation, and Jiwoo let it go too, softening once again when she saw how hurt her best friend was. It was a difficult decision for Jungeun, and when she had made her decision then, to be honest, Jiwoo was angry at her. She saw how in love the couple was. She saw how much Jungeun was in love with _her_. And that was exactly why Jiwoo was so angry, because Jungeun had made a really stupid decision.

_“Is The Univserse that important to you?”_

Jungeun’s answer was a resounding ‘yes’ and she provided no further explanation. Even till the very moment they were in, Jiwoo didn’t know the reason behind Jungeun’s obsession with the Universe. She had seen her research. It really put her love for music to shame. The endless hours spent in her lab was manifested into papers after papers. A lot of them were rejected while some were published. Jiwoo was there to witness it all, and she was happy for her best friend’s achievements, she really was, but she also wished Jungeun could see that there were more things beyond the Universe, as ironic as it sounded.

The couple emerged from the café across the street and took a seat at the table by the door. Jiwoo glanced over to Jungeun, concerned. She was nibbling her bottom lip, a thing she did when she was troubled. Jiwoo looked down at Jungeun’s hands that was on her lap, and without any surprise, she was kneading her fingers.

“Jungeun.”

Jungeun didn’t look away. With a sigh, Jiwoo called her name again, this time reaching out to hold her hand, so she could stop kneading her fingers.

“How long has it been?”

Jiwoo didn’t blame Jungeun for not knowing. The latter spent most of her days in her lab, she wouldn’t have known how many days have passed by each day even. But little did Jiwoo know, Jungeun knew. She might mess up the days every now and then, but she counted, marking the days in her planner over the years. It had been exactly four years since she chose to leave. It had been 1460 days.

“Four years.”

Jungeun smiled and it broke Jiwoo to see her smile. It wasn’t a happy smile. She hadn’t seen a smile that reaches her eyes on Jungeun for a long time. The last time she saw it, Jungeun was still with the blonde woman sitting across them on the next street. The couple was clearly having a great time, though the talking was mostly done by the woman who was speaking animatedly. It was endearing not only to her boyfriend but Jungeun too.

_“You’re going to hit someone one day if you keep doing that in the public.”_

She would tease the older woman whenever her gestures got too exaggerated, but she loved it. It made her really happy to see her so excited about the little things she loved. Jungeun still remembered the day when she got the other women the fish she had always wanted. From the moment she saw the fish till the end of the week, she couldn’t stop talking about it ( _him_ , she would always correct her). She wasn’t going to lie that seeing her being so thrilled from an outsider’s perspective didn’t hurt, but who could she blame?

Jungeun took the last sip of her coffee and placed the cup down onto the table. She gathered her wallet and car keys into her bag. Jiwoo watched her questioningly.

“Already?”

“I forgot I have a paper to submit tomorrow.”

It was a lie. She was surprised how smoothly it came out of her mouth, perhaps she had gotten quite used to lying over the years, mostly to herself. Jiwoo pursed her lips together, knowing instantly that Jungeun was lying to her because she was so eager to get out of her house after submitting _six_ papers. How could a meticulous person like Jungeun forget a deadline?

“Jungeun.”

Jiwoo gently gripped onto her best friend’s wrist, stopping her from running out of the café. Jungeun looked at her, an eyebrow raised.

“We can go somewhere else.”

Jungeun relaxed upon hearing the suggestion. She didn’t want to go home; she really was tired after writing six papers. As much as she was driven, sometimes she hit her limit too. Times like this, she was thankful she had Jiwoo by her side. She nodded and took Jiwoo’s hand, heading out of the café, but not forgetting to peek at the woman seated across the street. Jiwoo decided that the mood was down enough for the day, so she started sharing stories about Sooyoung who got into fights with the “useless men” at work over the past week. What they didn’t notice was how a certain blonde had noticed them and was staring as they disappeared further down the street.

-

Jungeun was doing her grocery run for the week after sending Jiwoo home. The basket in her hand was already half filled with cup noodles, tubs of ice creams and a carton of banana milk. She was in the snacks lane, making her way towards the shelf that she knew by heart. Hot Cheetos. As she reached for the last packet, _thank the lord there was one left_ , she saw another hand reach for it too. She quickly withdrew her hand but not before their hands touching.

“Sorry.”

And she froze in her spot. The voice she hadn’t heard in four years because she was actively avoiding her, only looking at her from afar. And she had succeeded at that for four years. Sure she had thought about the scenario where they would meet again, but of all the times she had thought about seeing her again, she definitely didn’t expect it to be at the supermarket, in the snacks lane, both of them reaching for the last bag of Hot Cheetos on the shelf. The Universe truly worked in mysterious ways.

“Jungeun?”

_Ah._ She thought. That was all she could manage to be honest.

“Jinsoul.”

Jungeun dared to face the other woman. Her hair was still blonde, just like how it was four years ago. She noticed how damaged her hair was and the little black roots that had grown out. She was wearing a pair of round glasses, which Jungeun figured that it could have replaced the contacts that she seemed to have worn in the afternoon. She had a greyish blue scarf wrapped around her neck up to her nose to shield her from the winter wind. The tip of her nose, red, poking out from the scarf.

Jinsoul knew Jungeun was staring. It was a habit, one that she didn’t mind. She smiled a little, thankful that her scarf was there to hide it. She noticed the basket in Jungeun’s hand and frowned. Then she looked at the bag of Hot Cheetos on the shelf.

“I’ll take that.”

Jungeun was about to open her mouth to protest but Jinsoul raised a hand to stop her. She pointed at the basket in Jungeun’s hand, making the latter to look at the content. The younger woman looked up and her brows creased together, a look that Jinsoul was all too familiar with.

“What?”

“Are you going to have proper food?”

Jungeun looked down at her basket again. _Oh._ She didn’t even realise.

“Jiwoo settles my _proper_ food.”

Jinsoul hummed softly at the mention of Jiwoo. They used to hang out a lot back then, when things were still… fine. Her, Jungeun, Jiwoo and Sooyoung. She still saw Jiwoo and Sooyoung every now and then, but Jungeun not so much because the younger woman had been avoiding her. They lived around the same estate. It would be impossible not to bump into each other _once_ in the four years they were apart, except Jungeun made sure of it. Jinsoul knew, from Jiwoo, that Jungeun spent most of her days in her lab which was conveniently situated at home. If she wasn’t at home, she would be at the supermarket doing her weekly grocery run. Or sometimes when she felt like it, she would visit the café just down the street to take away hot chocolate.

Jungeun made sure to avoid her, and she let her. She pretended not to see the shorter brunette rush to the cashier the moment she spotted her in the supermarket. She also pretended not to see Jungeun slip out of the café when she approached it from several metres away. She always let Jungeun do what she wanted, and the only time she didn’t was a few moments before their breakup. Selfishly, she wished that Jungeun would choose her, but she had underestimated the passion the other woman had for the Universe. And she let her, not wanting to hold her back.

It had been exactly four years since their breakup. Jinsoul remembered. The first two years were difficult. She kept finding herself gravitating back to the familiar routines they shared when they were still together, and it hurt when she realised that it was no longer ‘they’ but _she_ alone. The subsequent two years were bearable after she met her boyfriend. He was a sweet guy; caring and respectful, and he made sure to make time for her.

“Hey babe, there you are!”

Jinsoul felt an arm wrap around her shoulders. She looked up to find her boyfriend smiling at her with the boyish grin that she had gotten used to. He took the Hot Cheetos from her hands and placed them in the basket in his hand.

And in that moment, Jungeun wished the black hole would open up in front of her and swallow her. If seeing the couple from a distance hurt as though a stone was slingshot into her gut, this definitely felt like that time she rode her bike head-first into a tree. She shifted the basket between her hands and shuffled her feet a little.

“Uh, I better get going. My paper isn’t going to write itself, ha ha ha, uh, it’s good to finally see you again.”

Before Jinsoul could even say anything, Jungeun ran towards the cashier. The words “me too” still lingering at the tip of her tongue. She watched the brunette frantically pull out a couple of notes from her wallet. The sigh she let out was silent, but it didn’t go unnoticed by her boyfriend. She tugged at the sleeves of his sweater and he smiled knowingly as they headed towards the cashier, Jungeun nowhere in sight.

-

Jungeun lied in bed, three layers of comforter wrapped around her. She sniffled noisily as she turned to lie on her back, getting frustrated at how only one side of her nose was blocked. Her body was the weakest every winter. Just when she thought she could get away with catching a flu this time, she fell sick a week after bumping into Jinsoul at the supermarket.

She heard a knock on her door and she grumbled, barely audible, but the person at the door heard it because a second later, the door was pushed open gently. Sooyoung poked her head in before fully stepping into the room. There was a bowl in her hand, which Jungeun assumed was porridge. The older woman chuckled softly at the sight of the sick girl all bundled up and wiggling about in the bed as she sat up. She placed the bowl on the night stand beside the bed. Jungeun peered at the bowl from under all the layers. It was egg rice porridge. Her favourite.

She wasn’t hungry before but the faint scent of eggs made her want to eat it nonetheless. She threw the covers off her body and shifted a little closer to the side of the bed to take the bowl. The shivers crept to a stop when she held onto the warm blue porcelain bowl. She scooped a spoonful of porridge into her mouth and warmth instantly spread through her body.

“Jinsoul made that.”

She was just about to swallow the porridge but hearing the words that tumble out of Sooyoung’s mouth without much care made it go down the wrong pipe and she ended up in a coughing mess. If it was a joke, then it was a sick one. She placed the bowl back onto the night stand as she patted her chest lightly. Sooyoung was looking at her, amusement written all over her face. Jungeun glared at her friend, but really she wasn’t intimidating in the slightest bit, not when she looked like a chipmunk that had its nuts stolen.

“It’s not funny, Sooyong.”

“But I’m not joking though?”

Confused, Jungeun muttered a soft “what”, and as if on cue, Jinsoul peeked cautiously into her room. _Oh, shit._ She gripped onto the corners of her comforters as she saw the person whom she was still in love with standing in her room for the first time in four years and a week.

“Jiwoo told her you’re sick and how you’re craving her egg rice porridge.”

Of course, it had to be Jiwoo. Even though her best friend made it clear that she was still upset that Jungeun had let Jinsoul go so easily, she knew Jungeun was equally upset with herself. She shot Sooyoung a tight-lipped smile which Sooyoung returned with a comforting one, the amusement that lingered previously now gone.

“Hey.”

Jinsoul greeted her as she looked around awkwardly, taking note that the room had not changed a bit from how she remembered it to be. The walls still a calming blue, the shelves and table still exactly where they were previously, and the red telescope that she had gotten for Jungeun on their second anniversary still set up by the window.

Jungeun noticed Jinsoul scanning her room, and she slowly crept back under her comforters, so the other person couldn’t see her expression. This was also the first time in a while that she got to look at Jinsoul properly. Her hair was still the same colour as before, maybe slightly more damaged; she was still as beautiful, and she lost some baby fats in her cheeks. She was wearing a yellow hoodie and a pair of jeans, but it was enough to make Jungeun dizzy, and she was sure it wasn’t from the cold that she was suffering from.

“How are you feeling?”

The question pulled Jungeun out from her daze.

“Could’ve been better.”

Jinsoul nodded in understanding, opting not to say anything further. They settled back into a silence that was neither comfortable nor uncomfortable as they each waited for the other person to speak first. Eventually, none of them spoke and they just stayed in their spot – Jungeun buried under her covers and Jinsoul standing by the window.

The blonde girl had her back turned to Jungeun whose eyes were still on her. She was aware, and she let her do it. She placed her hand on the telescope, the metal body cold against her warm skin. This telescope was seven years old, but Jinsoul could tell it was still in its best condition with the way the red shone and the body dust-free, like someone had took the time to clean it every now and then.

Jungeun tensed up a little when she saw Jinsoul’s hand on the telescope. What was she thinking about? She looked on as the fingers traced down to the eyepiece holder. Suddenly, Jinsoul turned around and their eyes met. Jungeun was too surprised to look away, so she just stared.

“May I?”

It took Jungeun a little longer than necessary to register what Jinsoul was asking permission for – she wanted to use the telescope. The sick girl nodded, her hair ruffling against the pillow.

From Jinsoul’s point of view, she could only see Jungeun’s eyes peeking out from underneath the covers and it was honestly quite an adorable sight to see. She looked into the eyepiece and saw a fuzzy image. She forgot for a moment that they were in the city and the image they could see would be less than satisfactory. Stepping away from the telescope, Jinsoul sat down on the armchair beside it.

“Jungeun?”

Jinsoul looked over at the small lump in the bed, calling for her attention, even though she knew the younger girl’s attention had never strayed far away from her the moment she stepped into the room. Jungeun was waiting for her to speak.

“You never told me the reason why you love the Universe so much.”

And the dark brown eyes that were staring at her began to dart around the room. Jinsoul couldn’t see her expression but the way Jungeun broke the eye contact immediately made it clear that it was something that she didn’t want to talk about. But Jinsoul was curious. What was the reason that made Jungeun choose it over her? She could wait all night for her answer. She had already gone four year, and perhaps, more without knowing the reason, what was a few minutes (or hours) going to do?

It took Jungeun a shorter time than she had personally expected before she finally told Jinsoul the reason, surprising herself a little at how easy it was actually for her to say it.

“My father loved it.”

And it was instantly clear to Jinsoul why Jungeun put into so much time into her studies. Her father was her world, having raised her up singlehandedly after he lost his wife to cancer when Jungeun was still a toddler. She recalled the stories Jungeun told her about her father – how he would bring her on hikes just to have a better view of the skies at night, and they would spend hours reading books about the Universe. Her father dedicated his life to his studies and Jungeun was just continuing his legacy.

Jinsoul remembered the turning point where Jungeun’s passion was skewed into something more. The girl lost her father in her third year of college and that was when she started burying herself in heaps of books; she was determined to finish what her father couldn’t finish.

“I’m sorry.”

As soon as Jinsoul apologised, Jungeun said a firm “no”.

“I’m sorry.”

And they both knew there was a lot more to the apology.

“I realised I haven’t properly apologised to you. I’m sorry. You deserve an explanation, after all, we were together for four years. I was hurting a lot when my father passed away. He was my world, you know, and losing him… threw me off my track. I was so afraid I would forget him like how I forget my mother. I didn’t want to forget him and the way to remember him then was through what we were both familiar with. Looking at the books, reading the papers he wrote, the studies- his studies – they were reminders of him. I was desperately grasping onto the memories of him that I didn’t realise other parts of my life were slipping away from me. And when I realised, it was too late. It took me having a high fever on a winter night two years ago to truly realise my mistake. I could be having a bowl of egg rice porridge but all I had was a disgusting pellet of Panadol.”

They shared a hearty laugh. Jungeun sat up again, remembering the bowl of porridge on her night stand. It was still warm, thank the stars.

“I’m sorry, Jinsoul. I was hurting and I didn’t realise you were too. You were there when I was hurting, and you were with me through it, but I ended up pushing you away and hurting you as well. I’m sorry I couldn’t give you the happiness I promised, and I hope… you’re happy with him now.”

Jungeun put her hands on her lap, the bowl nestled in her hands. She turned her head to look at Jinsoul, her eyes glistened with tears. Jinsoul should feel relief with the apology and explanation but she didn’t. She looked down, avoiding Jungeun’s gaze.

“I am. Thank you.”

Jungeun nodded to no one in particular, a sad smile ghosting over her lips.

“That’s good.”

Jinsoul took a deep breath and looked at her watch.

“It’s getting late. I should get going.”

They both looked up at the same time. Jinsoul could see something in Jungeun’s eyes. Longing. Asking her to stay just a little while more. After those years of trying to avoid her, she was finally getting tired of doing so. Regret. But she knew there was no reason for Jinsoul to stay. She wasn’t even obliged to be here in the first place, but thanks to Jiwoo, she had a chance to finally apologise to her.

Jungeun eventually nodded, and Jinsoul smiled as she headed for the door. It was a polite smile, distant and reserved. Her grip on the bowl tightened, trying to distract herself from the pain that she had gotten used to over the years.

“I’ll see you around.”

Jinsoul chuckled, which didn’t help with the pain at all.

“You’re not going to avoid me anymore?”

_Oh._ So, she noticed. Feeling like a fool, Jungeun laughed and shook her head. No. Enough running.

“Then I’ll see you around too.”

Jungeun watched as Jinsoul left her room again, the memory of her leaving four years ago still fresh in her mind. So, what if she could finish what her father couldn’t? (Though it was clear to her by now that it was impossible for her _finish_ anything about the Universe.) She could have the Universe figured out, but there was no point to it when what she had lost in the process was _her_ universe.

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! This is my first (?) official piece of work for the fandom. I have an account on aff with the same username and I've already posted a story but I haven't gotten round to updating it. I'll eventually move my work for the fandom over, so I'll start things off with this piece first. Sorry for the angst but I just can't help it when it comes to lipsoul.


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